Wednesday, April 14, 2010

My Baby

It's only 6 weeks old
It's due date is dec. 6th!
Sunday, April 11, 2010

Okay Here We Go Again!

OKay I broke up with Thomas!
I do love him, really I do....I'm just still in love with Ben!
One night when Ben was staying the night at Thomas with me there also,
Ben and Thomas were drinking and so they got drunk.
Thomas was really being immature.
he beat up a bum for no reason
punched holes in his walls
was being rude and mean to Ben and me.
and was saying that he was going to kill myself and alot of crazy stuff!

I do love him but I dont want to and cant be with someone who drinks
and smokes weed as much as he does.

And so while Thomas was doing whatever
Ben was there for me when I would cry and feel like shit!
and he was drunk, but he's a nice drunk!

Well when Bens drunk he has a lot of courage.
So he kissed me!!!

When he kissed me I got all tingly and I fell back in love with him!
the way I felt when he kissed me was indescribable!

I want to be with Ben so bably!
its all that I want but yes, he still loves Savannah too!
And just like last time he loves her more than me!
even though I treat him better, and we would be totally AWESOME together.
But I just Ill just have to wait for that day to come
when he see's just what I'm talking about!

I feel really bad for breaking up with Thomas but I follow my heart 
and my heart tells me that I'm meant to be with Ben!

I'm really really really sorry to Thomas for doing this to him
but I tried to make it work I really did it was just too hard for me to do!

I know Thomas says that he loves me and everything but we've only known eachother for like a month and a half and he doesn't even know everything about me , so how can he really love me...I think it might just be a lot of lust that he's feeling, not love!!!

Okay so I'm really sorry to Thomas, and I'm back on the Ben roller coaster!

great! =/
Tuesday, April 6, 2010

My Life Right Now!

My lifes pretty good right now...
I'm friends with Ben and Sam again..
okay I'm more friends with Ben though, he's like one of my best friends he knows so much about me even though he hurt me ALOT I still care for him
(in a friend way)
Me and Sam are trying to be friends for Thomas my WONDERFUL FIANCEE!
Sam is  like Thomas's brother there BFF's so we're trying to be friends.

I've also been trying to get a job, my life's going to be changing very much in the next couple of months!
I'm going to need to get a job so that I can get a car and so that me and Thomas can get an apartment together.

I have something really big coming soon, I'll say stuff about it on Monday the 18th of April!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010


I'm so happy!

My life has been so WONDERFUl
ever since I met my AWESOME boyfriend
soon to be husband Thomas!

He's so perfect and sweet and nice and the way he treats me is the most freakin wonderful thing EVER!


I'm so happy I met him, I've never been happier!


Tuesday, March 9, 2010

My Wonderful Boyfriend!

Thomas Brown is his name.
He's 17, his birth day is December 26th.
I'm a little bit older than him but that's okiee lol... 
His favorite color is green
He has 2 brothers,1 sister, and a mom...WOW his family is WAY smaller than mine!

Thomas and I started dating on February 26, 2010
We've been dating for 12 days now.
I really do like him ALOT!
he's soooooo sweet and nice to me.
I've NEVER dated a guy like him.
I didn't think I would EVER find a guy like him, but I'm pretty sure I just did.

I actually met Thomas on December 26, 2009 
I met him at Ben and Sam's...
So yeah he is friends with them.
But really that doesn't bother me at all!
I didn't talk to him after that day.
but then we met each other again on myyearbook
 I think that even if I didn't meet Thomas through Ben and Sam 
that I would have met him anyways.
It feels like destany!

Thomas told me that he LOVES me!
OMFG, really?
I LOVE him too!
I didn't think that I could fall in love again, but hey I did!

He also told me that he wants to be with me FOREVER and we already
talk about marrying each other and having kids together!
I really do want to have a kid with him, that would be freakin fantastic!
We also want to live together when I turn 18...

He  really is an AWESOME boyfriend.
and I can't believe that I found him.
 He's the greatest boyfriend I've EVER had, and I know that for  a fact!
He's really the sweetest guy EVER, well to me at least lol.

Me and My Baby

He's so freakin adorable!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Okiee I'm over the whole Ben thing.
Yes, I'm still his friend 
but the feeling of wanting to be with him is gone.

I've moved on and I'm happy again.
usually this feeling of being happy goes away right about now.
I'm hoping it doesn't though!
I really want to enjoy life and live it.


Sunday, February 28, 2010


Okiee I'm still IN LOVE with Ben.
But I know we will NEVER be together.

Is it wrong to at least want him in my life?
I want to be friends with him.
It's true that love for someone does fade away.
My love for Ben has faded away a little but it's still there.
I don't know how I'm only going to be friends with him, but I know that's all we can be!
To think about it hurts and still makes me cry.
That's why I ignore it!
I ignore how I truly feel.
I know no matter how much I wish for it to be different it won't be.
When ever I hear a song about how I felt when I was with him or whenever I think of him I cry!
I truly WISH with all my heart that we could be together and that it was different but it's NOT!
And that hurts!
I'm still IN LOVE with him.
I wish I could make it go away.
Because it really hurts to love someone and not be able to be with them.
 And the worst part about all of this
Is that the way I feel for Ben and how much I LOVE him, is the exact same way he feels about Savannah!
I WISH he felt that way about me but he doesn't!
 I've tried to be with other guys and I've been in a relationship
But I couldn't stop thinking about Ben...
I just WISH with ALL my HEART 
that he felt the way I feel for him. 
But he doesn't!
That's the other sucky part about all of this.
Wishing doesn't change anything
Wishing doesn't change anyone.
Saturday, February 27, 2010



Tuesday, February 23, 2010


My friend Kayluhh came across this french song and this video of french people dancing and to tell you the truth I absolutely LOVE it!


Okiee I found this poem online and I thought it was very beautiful so I thought I would post it along with a picture i took!

Sunset Lover

Your love is like a sunset, wild, bright and true. The colours blend together, forming a magical hue. The day's warm caress is slipping through the air, just as though your fingers would be slipping through my hair. I sit and watch the sunset, knowing it soon will end, thinking of you and waiting 'til we will be together again. Slowly now it's going, coming to a end. Darkness may be closing in, but the fun has just begun. For now I can go home, go to my darkened room, lie on the bed and close my eyes, fall asleep and dream of you=
Monday, February 22, 2010


I LOVE THIS! It's soooo funny.


Doesn't everybody love babies?
I know I do!
I want one so bad! I don't want to deal with the whole boyfriend, girlfriend thing anymore because I always get with the worst one's! BOYS or BABIES? I choose babies
Boy or Girl?
When I think of what I would want when I have a baby I think I would I mean I would love to have a girl too my hopes are just set on a boy. I've thought about this A LOT! And I even have names...
Boy Names: Ryker Jay Landyn Parker Adeen Terence Spencer Skyler Girl Names: Rilee Kay Rose
Haylie Hayden Marie Bailee Either Boy or Girl I'd be HAPPIEE!
I know I'm only 17, and I haven't really lived my life yet, but hey I know what I want in life!
And what I know for a fact is that I want to have a baby! I know lots of people would get mad at me and probably not talk to me anymore but it is my life right? And I know I could take care of it! I'm not stupid! My whole life I've grown up around babies and I've help take care of them. Life would get hard at times, but it would soon get better. And I know I would be a GREAT and AWESOME mother to my baby! All I want is to have someone to always love me, and someone who will always be there for me and never leave my side... And the answer to that is to have a baby! My son or daughter would NEVER leave me and he/she would always love me no matter what! We would go through life together and live it as best as we could!


Ewwwww... I'm so sick so dealing with boys for right now! I'm just going to live life and enjoy it!
Sunday, February 21, 2010

Damn My Life!!!

Okiee, I was actually happy again and guess what happened? Sam broke up with me! he said that it was just too weird that I was his brothers ex girlfriend... Okiee why is it that EVERY TIME I get happy again and my life seems like it's getting better it goes away? It's NOT FAIR I want to be happiee! I guess I'm not meant to be happiee, It's just NOT in the cards for me... I really did and still like Sam, but he thinks that I was just dating him to make Ben jealous which is not true! I was going out with Sam because I really liked him, but I guess he didn't feel the same way about me...I though he was a good guy and different from his brother but apparently I was terribly WRONG! UGHHH! I guess he was more like Ben than I thought but oh well there's nothing I can do about it, I'm really just stick of dealing with boy's and it's not like I'm gonna find a man around here. I'm still friends with both Ben and Sam and I'm fine with that. yes, I'm sad that it didn't work out but I really do love them both as friends and I don't want to not have them in my life... Now to be honest I did and do like Sam but when we broke up I kinda saw it coming so it didn't bother me much! So I'm okiee with it...Life goes on! I was going to go to job corp and get my life started but I'm really just thinking about it now, I know what I want but want I want isn't easy to get... I think about my life and I know I want a good life for myself but I know some of the things I want are probably not going to seem good to other people but it's my life and I'm in control of it! So what I'm going to do is live it!


I wrote this when I was in a confusing relationship, I know it's not that good, but it's another way for me to get out how i feel! I know relationships don't always work out, but you'll NEVER forget you first love. <333


This is my ex boyfriend Ben!
This is my current boyfriend Sam! THEY'RE BOTHERS! Question: Am I doing wrong by dating brothers? I think NOT! Yes, they're brothers but hey they're totally different people. Okiee on to something else! Alright here we go....I was IN LOVE with Ben! I was really truthfully in love with him. he said he loved me, but he was IN LOVE with this girl named Savannah! Okiee when he told me this it BROKE my heart! He BROKE my heart many times before But I never actually let it kill my love for him. I should have right then and there but I didn't, and it was one mistake that I wish I could take back! but i can't! So I waited to see if it would work out and as you can see from the NEW BF, it didn't! He's still IN LOVE with Savanna, who has by the way broken his heart twice now! me, I NEVER broke his heart! Ben says he hates her and he doesn't want to love her but he dose! OKAY SERIOUSLY!!! if you don't want to love someone you don't have to! LOVE is a choice you can choose to love or not to love a person! I'm not saying that the love for that person goes away, I'm just saying that it fades away! it's true that the love for that person will always be there, but it will not be the same. AND so I gave up! I left...I thought it was going to be hard but, after crying on the way home and for a couple hours while laying in bed thinking...I felt better about myself! I didn't think I could do it but I did! AND NOW I'M HAPPIEE! Which brings me to my current boy friend Ben's brother Sam! Well see Sam and I don't have much history together... I've known him longer than I've known Ben! See I met Sam on Myyearbook and we'd flirt and talk alot...but I met Ben in person first through a guy named David who was my crush at the time! To me Sam is sweet and I think that he's sooooo ADORABLE! He's the cutest thing EVER! Sam, seems different to me, different from all of my past boyfriends I mean. He doesn't only think of him self! and okiee listen to this! the first time he kissed me was too cute... Okiee so we're sitting in my car just talking and then I get a txt from him... so we texted back and forth for a bit, here's what we said: Sam: " I really wanna do something right now but I'm scared of how you might react" Me: " Okiee...well what is it? " Sam: " Ok ummm I really want to kiss you right now...what do you think?" Me: " well I won't bite so don't be scared" okiee then some silence followed..... then he moved to the back of my moms van and sat there, he told me that he gets the whole butterfly in the tummy feeling when he's with me! Okiee I know this is so like what little kids do, but come on, it was so CUTE! So he's sitting in the back and I'm in the drivers seat talking and all of a sudden he pulls himself around and kissed me while I was in the middle of talking, but hey it was a good kiss so it didn't bother me much...hehe No Sam and I haven't been dating long and don't know everything about each other, but one thing I do know is that I do like him, I like him ALOT! And he sweet and kind... I don't quite Know if things are going to work out but you ever really know what's going to happen until it happens, so right now I'm just going with the flow and living life as it comes to me! And that's really all we can do.

My Best Friend Kayluhh ツ

This wonderful person is my best friend, she's always there for me when I need her, and she always speaks her mind to me, even when it's something I don't want to hear! But I love her with all my heart and she'll always be my best friend! Her name's Kayla Rochelle Marie Simpson, and she's totally my sister! We do a lot of stuff together like we work out together, do school, make artsy stuff, just the normal things teenage best friends do but better because every thing we do is so NOT normal...But that's a good thing! we know we're not like everyone else and we like it that way, life's Way MORE FUN when your being your self! Kayluhh is the best person you will probably EVER meet! we have so much fun together, we make each other laugh by laughing at each other!

About Me

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Shellbee Renee
I'm 17, I love to hangout with my best friend kayluhh! I LUFF YOU KAYLUHH! My life isn't always fun and enjoyable but it's life, I like to hangout and be with my friends it's when I'm the happiest! My love life isn't too great either, I've been in love once and it didn't work out, lol but strangely I'm okay with the out come...I never know what's going to happen or who's going to come along, I'm the kind of person who go's with the flow, I don't like making decisions...So if you ask me to you probably won't get an answer back! hehe I love to make people happy, and I'm fun to be could say I'm the life of the party lol...=P
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